Sorting through notes & ran across these. One I wrote to myself as encouragement a while back & the other my husband left for me to find some time ago. — I leave them in the stack of notes… Cause along & along I stumble across them & they remind me that sometimes one just needs a little extra encouragement. — I can do this. I got this. ❤❤❤
Okay! So for the first time in months… & I do mean months, many, many months.. 😉 … I have busted out the lap top & writing basket. (That’s what I call it, 😀.. the writing basket, lol holds all my notes and fun stuff like that.. 😉.) Anyhow… it’s hard, it’s a lot of work, & kinda scary… feels a little daunting.. ya know? Cause a book is so big… ya start thinking about all those little pieces.. how you build something so big.. one word at a time… & honestly I almost wanna run screaming in the other direction. 😀. — But there is only one way to get this creation written down… & that’s one word at a time. & there’s only one person who can tell this story… And then tell all the ones to follow it… & that’s me. Cause I’ve created it and I’m the only one who can know it like I do. — So God help me, (that was a legit plea to God btw.. 😂.) Cause I’m diving back in! ❤
I could be sleeping right now.. I am crazy tired… & yet, here I sit binge watching Cake Wars. — Also… now I’m hungry… & I want cake. Lots & lots of cake. 😀 — Clearly, I’m just gonna have to take myself to the grocery store tomorrow & get some cake…. because, well, it’s delicious of course. 😀
I don’t have the first interesting thing to write about. But I am attempting to make an effort to write every day & toss out at least one blog post a day. — So I am just going to tell you whatever comes to mind. — 🙂
Okay.. so, something super random… — My sweet, adorable, furry, cute-as-pie, black labrador… likes to snitch things off of plates & counter tops when one’s back is turned. — You’d think… with that cute-as-pie & as innocent as they come little face that she has…. she’d never do such a thing. — Well.. my friends, that is not the case. She is indeed a furry little food thief! 😀 — French fries, sandwiches, burgers…. & my husband’s little sausage biscuits he likes to have for breakfast… haha.. okay, that one is actually pretty funny. Looking like a little chipmunk with her cheeks all puffed out full of biscuit…. lol… if that doesn’t brighten one’s day I don’t know what could.. 😉 — Anyhow… she’s adorable… but… this life of crime she’s living… shame, shame on her I say. 😀 — Seriously tho.. how are there people who don’t like dogs? — All that adorableness sure is hard to resist if you ask me. 😉
So… here’s the thing.
I have been absent. I have not written a word in months. Not here, on my blog, or there, on my book. — I have been completely off the writing map. Not one written word… well, not one that wasn’t some Facebook or Instagram post, that is… 😉 .
You see.. I have been intimidated. I have been scared. I have been insecure. I have been lost. I have been too afraid to write one single word anywhere about anything. Because… self-doubt. Because… insecurity. Because… intimidation. — Because if I’m being honest… on my best days.. I still struggle to believe in myself. I still struggle to believe that I have talent or that I am capable of stringing words together that make even a little bit of sense when I’m finished. — & that, my friends, is on my best days.
So on my worst days… it is far worse than that. On my worst days… I don’t just struggle to believe in myself… I just plain don’t believe in myself. I don’t even try on my worst days. I throw in the towel before the sun even rises. Like… not today guys, not today. I don’t have it in me to try. I don’t have it in me to pump myself up for this. I feel like a failure & I will just sit here and wallow in it & make no attempt to feel any better about any of it. ——- On my worst days… I give up. I am no longer in my own corner. I abandon post & take off. Because why? Because on my worst days… when I feel like the world’s biggest failure… I accept that. I say to myself, ya know what? It is what it is. I cannot do this, I cannot do anything, & so I just quit.
Intimidation. I am intimidated by my own self doubt, other people’s success, & the devil himself. Let me tell you something guys… I am being so incredibly honest with you right now. When someone else succeeds… and I mean just does something so incredibly amazing…. I can hear that little voice whisper.. “and what have you done, hmm? Look at them, taking the world by storm… and you… you haven’t even left the gate yet. What does that say about you, Heather? You’re a failure. A disappointment. Why do you even bother? You’re only making a fool of yourself.”
See… I know pride is like the downfall of man and all… but I still have some. & it grates & it drives me crazy to admit to that. To say that out loud, write it down, with every intention of sharing it with the world-wide web…. just what I think of myself on my worst days. — Because here’s the thing… It’s pretty bad to feel that way about yourself sometimes… but that other people, someone else, may be thinking or saying the same things of you… that hits that little bit of pride that I have right smack in the face. — & guys… I’ve heard it. Things very similar. I know there are people who have expressed doubt about me, my life, my future. — It hurts. It sucks. & it sticks with a person.
But here is the thing… because I’m going somewhere with this. I think.. 😉 .
It can’t just be me. In a world filled with so many people… I can’t be the only one that feels this way on their worst days. I can’t be the only person that is intimidated by the world & struggles to believe in themselves. I can’t be the only person out there that feels like a disappointment or a failure. I can’t be by myself in this. Which also means… that whoever you are & wherever you are…. you and I, we are not alone. & I just want to say… I get it. I feel you. You have something in common with a complete stranger… but even so, this is one stranger that understands the struggle. — You are not alone. — & sometimes there is just something about knowing that someone else gets it. — & I get it!
So I’mma keep moving forward. I’m sure it will continue to be riddled with ups and downs, best days & worst days, Confidence & self-doubt… but I do not go it alone. I go it with Jesus & then however many people are right there in the same boat with me.
So here’s to pushing past those “worst” days & reveling in those “best” days. —
May the “best days” be with you.. ? Eh… well.. lol… little Star Wars thing I just did there… yeah, I won’t do that anymore. my bad. I apologize.. 😉
My junior year in high school, we were given a project to do in lit class. Pick two songs with lyrics that meant something to us or inspired us in some way, that sort of thing. We could either assemble them into a scrap-book or write them on a white t-shirt, one on the front, the other on the back… then present them to the class & explain why we chose them. — I only remember one of the songs I chose. I can’t for the life of me remember the other one. But as it doesn’t pertain what I’m about to share, I guess it doesn’t really matter. — What does matter, however, is the song I do remember.
Stand, by Rascal Flatts. I remember thinking back then, this really isn’t a cool song. I almost, in fact, traded it in for something more hip & teenager-like. I mean, at 16, those aren’t really the kind of songs teenagers are blasting on their radios. Anyhow, I went with it in the end. & looking back now, I’m glad I did.
I just heard it again. For the first time in ages. & just like when I was younger, it encouraged me & spoke to me, in that way only music can do. — If you don’t know, these are just some of the lyrics….
“Cause when push comes to shove,
You taste what you’re made of.
You might bend till you break,
‘Cause it’s all you can take.
On your knees, you look up,
Decide you’ve had enough.
You get mad, you get strong,
Wipe your hands, shake it off,
Then you stand.”
Life is a beautiful journey. It’s a gift & worth every second. Having said that tho, it’s not always fun. It’s not always pretty, & it’s not always easy. It’s full of pain, anger, sadness, loss, & loneliness. So much heartbreak & so many struggles. It’s a journey that is filled with a lot of ugliness along the way. Some that we talk about & share with others, some that we keep to ourselves & don’t speak of. But what doesn’t change, is that it’s there & changes shape throughout life.
Lately, some of that ugliness has been creeping in & keeping me company despite that I didn’t invite it or welcome it once it waltzed through the door.
Ya see, I think for all of us, it’s the same. We’re pushed & we’re shoved, until we bend & we break… we get knocked down. That’s something I knew back then, & I know it now. There’s only one thing for us to do afterwards though… & that’s stand back up. We stand & we keep going… because that’s life.
Anyhow, I heard that song tonight & just like back then, I could feel the determination to get back up & keep on going. I could feel a difference inside myself the moment the tide turned. — All from lyrics to a song I knew meant something years ago. Because it’s a message that stands the test of time. —
You can be just a teenage girl in a very big world, picking out a song that encourages you for a school project, without even realizing just how much truth is in the very lyrics that you chose. Not realizing how much you’d bend & break in the years to come. Or without knowing how many times you’d brush yourself off & get back up. — It’s funny… cause I knew, but at the same time I didn’t know.
If you’re reading this… & you’ve taken a tumble recently, maybe give the song a listen. You might like it. 🙂
Every time we get back up, even if we have to fight & claw our way there, we’ve made it. & that’s something. 🙂
Couple Things. 1. It’s after 2 a.m. & I’m cleaning the bathroom. Cause, well, I’m what one would call a procrastinator & it’s what we do. 😀
2. This is me procrastinating even further by taking what I like to call a “cleaning break.” Don’t wanna overdo it… that’d just be irresponsible.. 😉
3. Ya ever creep on people on social media? (& don’t pretend like you don’t, I know… I know you do… Lol, it is what’s done. 😉 — Anyhow, ever check people out on there & see what all they have going on & realize that they need your advice… But like, you can’t give it to em’ cause, well, then you’d have a lot of explaining to do! Lol!! — Yep. That’s actually kind of funny. 😀
4. I like to get a glass of wine, a good book, & a bubble bath throw it all together &… well, not like, actually throw any of it in the bath, but you see where I’m going here. It’s nice & relaxing. & well, that leaves books scattered all over our bathroom over time & my husband complains about it… lol. It’s kinda funny, I think. Anyhow, I just took em all out of here… 11! 11 Total. Tho I did leave one of those 11 cause I’m still reading it. Anyhow… that’s practically a little bookshelf. A teeny tiny one, but still. I could run a library out of here. Anybody wanna check out a book?! 😀
5. I’m going camping in October. I think I should mention that I hate camping, ya know, so that you get the full picture here. Lol. –So if I don’t get eaten by a bear, traumatized by the lack of personal shower/bathroom, or simply go insane… it could maybe be fun! 😀 — I went once & it was a disaster. The bright side here, is it will be much cooler than when I went last time. That was right smack dab in the middle of July & I bout died. I’m a heat hater, for real. — So, fingers crossed that the cooler weather makes it a more enjoyable experience! — I should mention, I’m doing this for my husband. It was technically my idea, buuutttttt, I could have simply rented a hotel room, instead, I knew how much he’d love a camping trip… so I made the sacrifice. — Look at me, I should get a little plaque that says, “Best Wife Ever” to hang on our wall. Ha! 😉 😉
6. My foot has fallen asleep, as it has apparently noticed it’s nearly 3 a.m, while the rest of me seems to have missed that memo. Ya know, the one about sleeping. 😉
Anyhow… talk to you all later! 😉