The title says it all.
I have, for the foreseeable future, tabled the book I have been working on.
When I decided to write my first book I didn’t realize that I was going to get lost in the mechanics of it all, so to speak. I didn’t know at the time that I was going to let genre choices, people, expectations, and pressure dictate the story I told. — But that’s exactly what I did.
Instead of focusing on a story that I was passionate about…. I made up a story that I thought would fit where I was trying to make it fit. — I have been trying to write in a way that hasn’t been true to me or who I am. I have been trying to write a book about something that I have zero passion for. I didn’t get lost in my characters & their lives…. I’m the writer, & I wasn’t even interested in them. I’m still not interested in them.
Honestly, I was so worried about the readers I would alienate if I didn’t try to find some way to pull them in, that I made up a story that I thought would fit in several different boxes. — Only, it didn’t make me happy… & I’ve struggled to write it.
A few nights ago, I was outside enjoying the cold night air & listening to some music (My favorite way to relax & to just think, btw) & some characters & a story that goes along with them popped into my head. — That may seem strange to someone who doesn’t think in stories like I do, Lol, I’m not crazy, I promise. It’s just the writer in me. These characters weren’t strangers. Their story is one I thought of a while back & considered writing. Only… it’s more along the lines of a tragic love story… which I thought at the time just wasn’t good enough. — I was wrong.
So I’ve made a decision to change course.
I’m going to write it. I’m going to write my romance-y book & forget all about the people who dislike romance in their books. If that is the case, then I may not be the author for them. & that’s okay. —- It just took me a long time to realize that it’s okay.
I decided to write my first book & then pieced a story together based off what I thought a majority would want to read. — & it hasn’t been working.
I thought if I changed what I was writing, that I was admitting failure. & maybe I am. I’m admitting that, for now, I have failed to make it work. But I started failing from the moment I began…. when I came up with an idea for all the wrong reasons.
If you’re a writer, then maybe you’ll understand what I’m about to say. Most of the time, we don’t choose the stories we tell… they choose us. & it’s those stories that are interweaved into who we are… and so we tell them. — With passion & with fire, we fall in love with what we’ve created as we share it with others.
So as much as I hate to even say it, because it makes me feel like a failure, I have to follow my heart. I screwed up in the beginning and even though I’m headed in the right direction now… I know there will be people who think I just couldn’t do it or that I’m just not dedicated. — That reality kills a little bit of the joy I have found & the confidence I have gained… but I won’t let it stop me.
So until next time,