Tag Archives: Relationships

A Valentine’s Day Warning…

It’s Valentine’s Day!

If you want my honest opinion… (I know some of you probably don’t. I apologize in advance.) I find the holiday to be overrated. Yes, I said it. Over. Rated. (Okay, I know that’s one word. I was going for emphasis.)

I’ve always felt that way about it though. It’s just an opinion. If you enjoy it, then that’s great.

If you’re single, and you’re watching all these loving couples celebrate each other and find yourself thinking, I want what they have.

No you don’t.

You want love, and I genuinely hope you find it someday. But please, whatever you do, don’t want what you see on social media. Social media is not an accurate portrayal of what love is. And I’m sure you know that. But this is just a reminder. You don’t know what happens behind those closed doors. It’s sweet, and it’s cute, and it’s loving, and adorable… but that’s what they choose to present to you. You don’t see the ugly stuff.

Love should be celebrated, and it’s incredibly special. But… I see people leave comments on statuses and pictures that say, I want what you have. I want a love like yours. And that’s a dangerous line of thinking. If only because you don’t have any idea what their relationship is actually like.

For example, I dated a guy for years, who was a world-class jerk. And people thought we were cute, and they thought, what an adorable little couple. I’d like to have a relationship like that. Let me just say, I came out of it battered, and broken, and a completely different person than I was when I went into it. And not in a good way. But no one saw that happening, because I didn’t share it. Some of the stories I could tell, would stun the living daylights out of people, because there was never an inkling about what was going on when no one was looking. And if those same people that said, I want what they have, had actually seen what we had…. they would have said, Aw hell no, I don’t want that.

I’m not saying every relationship you see is a bad one. I may have dated an awful guy, but I married a good one. So I know there are better relationships to be had. All I’m saying, is be very careful when looking at what other people present to the world, and wishing you had it. Or feeling down because you don’t.

Instead, if you want to wish for love, that’s okay, just don’t wish for what you see someone else with. Wish for the right one for you, because yours is never going to look identical to anyone else’s.

And one other thing. Do not, under any circumstances, settle, because you’re looking around and see all these relationships and you want one, too.

That world-class jerk I mentioned? Had I settled for less than I deserved because I wanted some happily ever after that I saw others around us getting… I would have made a horrible mistake and ruined my life.

You know what I figured out? It was okay to be single. It was okay to be alone. It was okay to be by myself until the right person came along. Was that terrifying for me at the time? Yes. Was I lonely some days? Yes. Was I scared I’d spend forever alone? Yes.

But it was better than making the mistake of marrying the wrong man.

Just don’t let today get in your head and mess with you. That’s all. I know it can be hard for a lot of people.

Anyway, I’m going to kick back and watch Tangled and finish my Oreo milkshake. (Just like a child, rather than the 29 year old adult that I am.)

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Heather.

When Your Mom Is Your Best Friend…

I’m aware of the immense amount of blessings I’ve been given, and so, so incredibly grateful for each & every one of them.

One of those blessings just so happens to be my Mom. I realize that not everyone has the kind of relationships with their parents that I have with mine. I am, more than I could ever say, blessed beyond reason in that department. And it’s one of the things I’ll always be eternally grateful for.

Not all mothers & daughters become friends, much less best friends. But God didn’t just give me a mom, He also gave me my closest friend. — Next to my husband, of course. 😉

Growing up I don’t think I ever thought that would be the case. My mom was not my best friend when I was a child, and certainly not when I was a teen who thought I knew better than she did. (I didn’t by the way, know better than she did. Turned out she was wiser than 16 year old Heather ever knew.)

But over time she became more than a mom. She became a confidante, a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board, advice giver, trusted secret keeper, cheerleader, shopping pal, supporter, defender, late-night chit-chatter… she became a friend. A best friend. The kind most people don’t have many of.

We laugh, we joke, we gossip… sure, you’re not supposed to, but we all do it.. I’ll admit it. We call each other up & talk for hours. We make spur of the moment dinner plans, just because we can. We play board games, & half the time end up laughing until we’re crying because we crack each other up. We band together, against the rest of the world, if that’s what we have to do. We see each other all the time, but you’ll still find us next to each other at every holiday get-together, because… duh! If we’re having a bad day, we pick up the phone. We talk about it. Somebody’s getting on my nerves? My mama knows. She been knew! Drive her insane? I’ve got the details. I done been told! 😉

You disrespect my Mama? It’s going to take all God’s got to keep me in line.

You want to know why that is? Because she’s not just any kind of mom, or any kind of friend. She’s the kind of mom that took all my crap over the years. Listened to all my angry rants, aimed at her, when I was mad & couldn’t see past myself. The kind that I’m sure I hurt, over & over again, & yet… to this day… she’s not holding a grudge for all the heartache I’m sure I caused her over the years. No, she’s on the phone with me for hours at a time, laughing, and joking, and talking. & I know that’s a Mom thing, too… but it’s also a friend thing. & I, blessed as I am, recognize that I have both of those all wrapped up in one.

Every time I’m at the grocery store, I call her up… How long do you steam carrots for? Is it raining there? What’s the difference in all the different colored onions? I put watermelon in my cart, you know I’m probably not going to eat it? Should I get it or just put it back? I hear a kid screaming. I change my mind. I don’t want kids anymore. What brand of olive oil? There’s like a hundred to choose from! Pre-cut peppers? Or should I just buy the peppers & cut them up myself? Frozen or fresh? Oh, frozen? Nah. I’m getting fresh.

I really wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I have a good mom. I have a great mom. I’m biased, but I’ll tell you right now, I’ve got one of the best. (One of the best dad’s, too!) I didn’t think that when I was younger. They wouldn’t let me do anything. — Oh, you want to go there? NO. Oh, you want to stay out later than curfew? NO. Oh, what’s that boy’s name? DON’T CARE! NO. Oh, a party? NO. Do I know their parents? NO? THEN NO. —- Haha… it’s funny now. But it wasn’t then. No, that was the bane of every teenagers existence, and I can tell you that this teenager didn’t appreciate it.

Oh, I appreciate it now, and I respect it.

But the tide has turned. I’ve grown up, and what a parent is to their adult children, well that’s a whole different ball game.

My Mama can’t tell me what to do anymore, (Well, she can, but I don’t have to listen.) but she doesn’t have to. I willingly seek her advice. I want it. Tell me what to do. Give me the answers. Allllll the answers. 😉

I have more respect, and love, for my Mama than she will ever know. For the wonderful mom she’s been my entire life, all the sacrifices, the moments where she set herself to the side, for me. I have memories that I will cherish for as long as I live, & that means the world to me.

And the beautiful thing about having a mom who is also your best friend? The memories just keep on coming. It’s twice the love, twice the laughter, twice the joy. It’s extra special.

She had no idea when I was born, if this is how things would turn out. But she hoped & prayed for it. That I’d be her little girl as a child, and her best friend as an adult. — She got her wish, and I was given far more than I could ever have hoped for.

I am so thankful to God for what I’ve been given. All the blessings. On this night, however, here’s a shout out to my Mama. — Love you. Always. Friends forever! ❤️

Heather!

We’ve All Been There..

Somebody is doing something that is driving us absolutely insane. We just want to give them a great big piece of our mind. — Forget having respect for others & forget trying to be the bigger person, we just want to let it all out. — That little angel is hanging out on one shoulder & that little devil on the other… and if we are being completely honest, whatever that little devil is whispering is sounding pretty good.

The struggle is real and we have all been there. It’s a tough place to be. Anger & frustration mixed with knowing right from wrong can sometimes be a huge battle. There are days where I have wanted to just let it all go and be like, “Hey you, let me tell you what I think!” Lol, now I know that’s not the right thing to do. — Words spoken out of anger can be very damaging & can never be taken back. — That’s a big deal.

At 23, I know I don’t have the whole world figured out. I know I’m not the wisest of the wise. I also know that being the bigger person doesn’t always make you feel very good… even if it is the right thing to do.

I like to be honest with myself. So I can’t sit here & pretend like I’m not angry. I can’t sit here & pretend like I’m not irritated. I can’t say what I’m thinking because it wouldn’t be appropriate. However that doesn’t change the fact that I’m angry & irritated… and that my friends, just makes me more frustrated. Lol, isn’t that something? — So what to do?

I don’t have a clue. I’m here writing this because some part of me has to. — That’s why I love being a writer. Expressing myself, having this outlet… it’s probably my favorite thing about writing. — I can turn the anger & frustration into a passion that is useful. It’s a little piece of something beautiful in the midst of all the ugliness. — I like that. 🙂

So when you find yourself feeling this way again… I hope you’ll write about it. Take a pen & some paper, a computer & keyboard, or even a crayon & a napkin… whatever is nearby, and write about it. Put all those feelings and frustrations down on paper. No one ever has to see it if you don’t want them to. — If for nothing else, do it for yourself. If it helps, then great. If not, well you tried… and you get an A for effort in my book. — Also, tell somebody. Choose wisely & tell someone you trust, but tell somebody.

I don’t have all the answers. We’ve all been there & we’ll all be there again. My advice: Write it down & find a friend. & maybe say a prayer or two… for yourself & them. 🙂

A sincere.. but frustrated,
-hmthreatte!