Okay! So for the first time in months… & I do mean months, many, many months.. 😉 … I have busted out the lap top & writing basket. (That’s what I call it, 😀.. the writing basket, lol holds all my notes and fun stuff like that.. 😉.) Anyhow… it’s hard, it’s a lot of work, & kinda scary… feels a little daunting.. ya know? Cause a book is so big… ya start thinking about all those little pieces.. how you build something so big.. one word at a time… & honestly I almost wanna run screaming in the other direction. 😀. — But there is only one way to get this creation written down… & that’s one word at a time. & there’s only one person who can tell this story… And then tell all the ones to follow it… & that’s me. Cause I’ve created it and I’m the only one who can know it like I do. — So God help me, (that was a legit plea to God btw.. 😂.) Cause I’m diving back in! ❤
The title says it all.
I have, for the foreseeable future, tabled the book I have been working on.
When I decided to write my first book I didn’t realize that I was going to get lost in the mechanics of it all, so to speak. I didn’t know at the time that I was going to let genre choices, people, expectations, and pressure dictate the story I told. — But that’s exactly what I did.
Instead of focusing on a story that I was passionate about…. I made up a story that I thought would fit where I was trying to make it fit. — I have been trying to write in a way that hasn’t been true to me or who I am. I have been trying to write a book about something that I have zero passion for. I didn’t get lost in my characters & their lives…. I’m the writer, & I wasn’t even interested in them. I’m still not interested in them.
Honestly, I was so worried about the readers I would alienate if I didn’t try to find some way to pull them in, that I made up a story that I thought would fit in several different boxes. — Only, it didn’t make me happy… & I’ve struggled to write it.
A few nights ago, I was outside enjoying the cold night air & listening to some music (My favorite way to relax & to just think, btw) & some characters & a story that goes along with them popped into my head. — That may seem strange to someone who doesn’t think in stories like I do, Lol, I’m not crazy, I promise. It’s just the writer in me. These characters weren’t strangers. Their story is one I thought of a while back & considered writing. Only… it’s more along the lines of a tragic love story… which I thought at the time just wasn’t good enough. — I was wrong.
So I’ve made a decision to change course.
I’m going to write it. I’m going to write my romance-y book & forget all about the people who dislike romance in their books. If that is the case, then I may not be the author for them. & that’s okay. —- It just took me a long time to realize that it’s okay.
I decided to write my first book & then pieced a story together based off what I thought a majority would want to read. — & it hasn’t been working.
I thought if I changed what I was writing, that I was admitting failure. & maybe I am. I’m admitting that, for now, I have failed to make it work. But I started failing from the moment I began…. when I came up with an idea for all the wrong reasons.
If you’re a writer, then maybe you’ll understand what I’m about to say. Most of the time, we don’t choose the stories we tell… they choose us. & it’s those stories that are interweaved into who we are… and so we tell them. — With passion & with fire, we fall in love with what we’ve created as we share it with others.
So as much as I hate to even say it, because it makes me feel like a failure, I have to follow my heart. I screwed up in the beginning and even though I’m headed in the right direction now… I know there will be people who think I just couldn’t do it or that I’m just not dedicated. — That reality kills a little bit of the joy I have found & the confidence I have gained… but I won’t let it stop me.
So until next time,
I am about to attempt something crazy… quite possibly unheard of, even.
I have just cleaned up my Kindle app & dismissed the books that I’ve already completed. That’s when I noticed it. — There are 48 unread/half-read books still lingering about. 48. That’s nearly 50! (Lol, look at me stating the obvious.) & If I’m correct… I do believe I have exactly 4 unfinished paper back novels sitting around the house. — Somebody needs to read the books she already has before she purchases more… Lol. (Haha, don’t tell my husband I have quite so many… he’ll give me the look. lol The “you spent all that money on those books & haven’t read them?… Wait a minute, I just watched you buy a new book the other day! What are you, some sort of book hoarder… that doesn’t even read the books?!” Look. — (Funny how so much can be said in just one look! — 🙂
So, I’m going to attempt what?
That crazy thing that may actually prove to be quite difficult for me.
I’m going to try & read all the books I already have… before getting another one!
I know that must seem like a pretty easy thing to do. It’s just I have this bad habit of scrolling around & seeing books that look interesting…. soooo, naturally I get it & then I’m already so interested in this new story I’ve found I put the current one down & forget to go back to it later. I’m so easily distracted, Lol! — Ya know, really, that’s just a compliment to all the authors that write so great they hook me & real me in before I even have a chance to stop myself. Lol, see…. it’s not even my fault. — They shouldn’t write so well & then I wouldn’t have this problem! 😉
Now in my defense, several of the books that are half-read were probably left unfinished because it turned out not to be my thing. — It happens. Those I will probably just never read. & truthfully, some of them were most likely free in the genre I was checking out that day & I got it to try it out. — Sometimes that works out. I can’t tell you how many times I bought a free or discounted book & loved it so much I ended up buying & reading a ton of those authors books afterwards. — I love when that happens. — Unfortunately, sometimes it goes the other way. — So some of these books will go in the never to be finished category. — But not most of them. Lol, I paid for these bad boys… I’m going to read them! (Not to mention that most of them that I started were good, I just got a wee bit distracted.. 🙂 )
So…. we shall see how it goes.
I am challenging myself. — No new books until I’ve read the ones I have.
(This should be interesting….. )
I started this blog in an attempt to push myself out of my comfort zone and into the world. I started this blog to try and find my voice, to try and become comfortable with putting myself out there & interacting with the world. — I did this so I could grow as a person, hoping to gain some confidence in my ability to be who I am & reach my goals. — In the short time that I’ve had it, I realized something. — It’s working! 🙂
This journey is only just beginning, but it’s working. Slow & steady wins the race… so they say, lol.(At least I think they say that.)
I’m learning not to be afraid to speak and to share, to be real and vulnerable. — It’s forcing me to try harder than I had previously been trying. — It’s been slow, but I see small differences in my actions.
I’ve found criticism, I’m sure there are people that looked at my blog and thought good heavens, no way. (Everyone’s tastes are different, lol) — Once upon a time that thought in itself would have forced me back into my shell & I would have quit. This blog & this decision to push myself is in fact, helping me learn how to handle what comes with it. — Pretty cool, huh? 🙂
I’ve also found support. I’ve found fellow bloggers on WordPress, people that I connect with on many different levels. People I share ideals with, that are kind & wonderful people. When I considered how much rejection might hurt… I realized that not everyone is going to think the worst of me. & even if someone does… there are 50 more people to that 1 that would disagree with them. (Haha, I just made up those statistics, lol — but you see what I’m saying.)
The more I do this. The more I interact with others (here & other places) the more comfortable I become with it. — I had to do all of this to feel better about it. — It’s working.
I feel more confident when I share with others now. — Is it as good as it could be? No, not yet. That’s going to take time. I’ve been this way my whole life. — But forcing myself out there is making it much easier.
One step at a time, I’ll get there.
Thanks to any & everyone that has supported me &/or my blog & writing.
You’re all amazing! Whether You’re family, friend, kind-fellow blogger… Thank-You! — Because you’ve helped make a difference! 🙂
Alright y’all… I’m going to be honest. I haven’t worked on my book in a while. — I know I should do better, it’s just lately I don’t have the drive I had a couple months ago. — That happens sometimes. Either I feel overwhelmed or I have no ideas really flowing and I just stop.
I’m going to get started again, I’m feeling like writing lately… which is definitely a good thing. Though that also means you guys may see more blog posts. — Hopefully I can keep you all entertained. 🙂
Oh & I actually told someone I’m writing! — When I was asked what I am up to, I said I am writing a book. (I left out the part about having not worked on it very hard the last month or so though.. lol) So, want to know who I shared that with? — My dental hygienist… who then proceeded to tell my dentist, Yep… that’s right… the first time I tell a stranger, it’s while I’m getting my teeth cleaned. Go figure. — Lol, they wished me lots of luck though and didn’t look at me like I’m crazy… so that’s a plus. 🙂
Just thought I’d share that with y’all. 🙂
Thanks for reading!