A Letter…

To the Christian person that says our feelings do not matter, that emotions have to be set aside as they may contradict faith & all things that are holy…. while I appreciate that you wish to further me along in my journey with Jesus… I would like to share a little something with you.

You have not walked, not even one moment, in my shoes. You have absolutely no idea of the depths that I have descended to. You have no idea of the pain & suffering I’ve survived. You have not a clue how lost & broken a soul I have been. You were not there when I lost the battles. You were not there when I was lost in all the surrounding chaos. You have no idea how far down rock bottom was when the fight went out in me.

You do not know me. You do not know my heart. You did not pick me back up. You did not come to me in my darkest hours & comfort me. You did not show me hope & love when I no longer believed in either of them. You did not restore my faith. You played no part in my healing. You did not even know I was broken. — God did. He knew. He showed up pouring out nothing but love & concern. He cared what I felt. He cared how lost I was. He cared about my pain, my suffering, & my broken spirit. I was wrapped up in all sorts of emotions & feelings. & He cared.

You can come to me all day long & say that I should set aside my feelings as they do not matter in the grand scheme of things. I’ve even heard it said that it’s selfish to focus only on one’s pain, rather than on what God has said. You can try to educate me all day long on the subject…. but the facts remain the same.

You were not on the floor with me the night I landed on it, writhing in an emotional pain I was apparently not allowed to feel.Β  I cried & I cried & I said, ” I’m all alone. No one understands. They don’t care. Life is beating me to pieces & I’m all by myself.” & I heard God respond… (Mind you the same God that I had known for years. The same One I had been angry with. The same One I yelled at in all my rage & confusion… because in all my honesty here… I was nothing, if not honest with Him too.) I heard the same very God tell me I was not alone. He said I’m here. I care. I love you. — He reached out to His broken child & He said, I’ve got you. — That is a God that cares. — Sure… He also can’t & won’t tolerate sin… but that does not make Him an uncaring God when His children are broken.

So while I appreciate that you are attempting to help & enlighten me… I remember all too well what it was like to feel like my suffering did not matter. People will descend further into an abyss when they feel no one cares. To stress to them… that the God that loves them more than we could ever comprehend… does not care about their feelings, only their faith…. is not something I will participate in. — You may call me wrong. You may say that it’s cause I’m all up in my inappropriate feelings. & that’s okay. I am all up in my feelings. It’s hard not to be when I know somewhere out there is some broken someone who just needs someone to care.

Because I would rather that… than to abandon someone who, maybe just like me, has crumpled to the floor.. in an emotional agony they can’t handle anymore… by leaning down & saying, hey… I get that you’re upset right now…. but these feelings… you need to push them out-of-the-way… this is selfish… God’s not in the business of caring how you feel… it’s all about the faith. —– Because that is essentially what you have done. Whether you realize it or not, this is what they’ve heard. & I will not do that to another human being in turmoil. — I cannot.

So please understand, you can tell me all about this subject time & time again…. but you & I will never be on the same page about it. To be honest, it is what it is.

Yours Truly,




Christmas Cards & Things…

I am blessed… & I know it. More than that, I am so very thankful for it. πŸ™‚

It’s also late & I’m kind of tired.

Plus I’d love a gigantic bag of potato chips. I won’t even be picky about the flavor right now… lol, although just plain Lays & a Coke sound amazing! πŸ™‚

I’ve spent the last 5 hours or so making lists, writing out Christmas cards, sealing them all up, labeling & stamping them… now they are in a nice, neat stack ready to go as soon as I get the last few addresses in. (with a family picture of myself, my husband, and our adorable Labrador in them of course, πŸ™‚ — Every year at Christmas I do my best to make sure our loved ones know we love them & we’ve thought about them. — Ya never know if that could just make someone’s day or not. — & I like to make sure we don’t miss the opportunity to do just that.

I hope you all have a wonderful day today! (since it’s just after 12 a.m. here on the East Coast.. technically a new day has dawned, lol)

I’d type some more randomness for you guys… but I just downloaded a nice historical romance novel & I do believe I’m going to cuddle up & do one of my very favorite things… read it. πŸ™‚

Really though, I hope you all have an amazing day. Be blessed! πŸ™‚


When You Have Nothing To Say.. This Is What Happens.

Writing cannot be done without the use of ones’ thought, mind, or imagination. There’s a lot of heart and soul in it, but if your mind is cluttered with way too many thoughts when you’re stressed… Heaven knows it’s going to be hard to pull something decent out of it. — As I sit here tonight, I have so much on my mind that I can’t think straight. I don’t know what to write tonight. Not in the book I’m working on and not even here. I’m at a standstill.

I’m sure I’ll get the spark back… I always do. Everything twirling around in my mind makes it so hard to concentrate on anything at all. — I’m an anxious person. I try really hard not to be, but let’s face it… somehow, it seems to find me. It pulls me into a place that tries to block out all the light in my life. It consumes me. — People make me nervous. Life makes me nervous. — I know in my heart that I’m bigger than this. I know that I have a God bigger than this. I also know that I’m only human… therefore, sometimes I fail. Sometimes I fail to pull myself up and away from the anxiety and the clutter surrounding me. — This past week has just been one of those weeks.

There are a lot of people out there that judge others harshly. They look at another person’s life and they think they know enough. This right here, all of this anxiety, it is how I learned not to be that way. People can look at me and see a lot of things… only, they don’t always see the struggles and the battles. They don’t know what’s going on inside. — That’s why kindness is so important. One never knows when they might be the only light someone sees that day.

It’s a very clichΓ© phrase… WWJD? What Would Jesus Do? — He’d be the light. He’d be the kindness. He’d be the love. I was a child when I learned that phrase. I didn’t fully understand its meaning… but I do now. For that, I am glad. I never want to fail to be the kindness that someone else needs.. partly because I understand what it’s like to need the kindness and compassion myself.

I really don’t know what this blog post is all about. I came here and had nothing to say. What I ended up saying.. well, this is definitely one of the most personal posts I’ve written yet, lol. — I guess you can take it however you’d like to. I’m an overly emotional writer tonight, I think everyone should strive to be kind, or simply that I had nothing to write and came up with all this insightful randomness. — You can choose whatever you want. πŸ™‚ —