I Get A Little Honest Here…

So… here’s the thing.

I have been absent. I have not written a word in months. Not here, on my blog, or there, on my book. — I have been completely off the writing map. Not one written word… well, not one that wasn’t some Facebook or Instagram post, that is… 😉 .

You see.. I have been intimidated. I have been scared. I have been insecure. I have been lost. I have been too afraid to write one single word anywhere about anything. Because… self-doubt. Because… insecurity. Because… intimidation. — Because if I’m being honest… on my best days.. I still struggle to believe in myself. I still struggle to believe that I have talent or that I am capable of stringing words together that make even a little bit of sense when I’m finished. — & that, my friends, is on my best days.

So on my worst days… it is far worse than that. On my worst days… I don’t just struggle to believe in myself… I just plain don’t believe in myself. I don’t even try on my worst days. I throw in the towel before the sun even rises. Like… not today guys, not today.  I don’t have it in me to try. I don’t have it in me to pump myself up for this. I feel like a failure & I will just sit here and wallow in it & make no attempt to feel any better about any of it. ——-  On my worst days… I give up. I am no longer in my own corner. I abandon post & take off. Because why? Because on my worst days… when I feel like the world’s biggest failure… I accept that. I say to myself, ya know what? It is what it is. I cannot do this, I cannot do anything, & so I just quit.

Intimidation. I am intimidated by my own self doubt, other people’s success, & the devil himself. Let me tell you something guys… I am being so incredibly honest with you right now. When someone else succeeds… and I mean just does something so incredibly amazing…. I can hear that little voice whisper.. “and what have you done, hmm? Look at them, taking the world by storm… and you… you haven’t even left the gate yet. What does that say about you, Heather? You’re a failure. A disappointment. Why do you even bother? You’re only making a fool of yourself.”

See… I know pride is like the downfall of man and all… but I still have some. & it grates & it drives me crazy to admit to that. To say that out loud, write it down, with every intention of sharing it with the world-wide web…. just what I think of myself on my worst days. — Because here’s the thing… It’s pretty bad to feel that way about yourself sometimes… but that other people, someone else, may be thinking or saying the same things of you… that hits that little bit of pride that I have right smack in the face. — & guys… I’ve heard it. Things very similar. I know there are people who have expressed doubt about me, my life, my future. — It hurts. It sucks. & it sticks with a person.

But here is the thing… because I’m going somewhere with this. I think.. 😉 .

It can’t just be me. In a world filled with so many people… I can’t be the only one that feels this way on their worst days. I can’t be the only person that is intimidated by the world & struggles to believe in themselves. I can’t be the only person out there that feels like a disappointment or a failure. I can’t be by myself in this. Which also means… that whoever you are & wherever you are…. you and I, we are not alone. & I just want to say… I get it. I feel you. You have something in common with a complete stranger… but even so, this is one stranger that understands the struggle. — You are not alone. — & sometimes there is just something about knowing that someone else gets it. — & I get it!

So I’mma keep moving forward. I’m sure it will continue to be riddled with ups and downs, best days & worst days, Confidence & self-doubt… but I do not go it alone. I go it with Jesus & then however many people are right there in the same boat with me.

So here’s to pushing past those “worst” days & reveling in those “best” days. —

May the “best days” be with you.. ? Eh… well.. lol… little Star Wars thing I just did there… yeah, I won’t do that anymore. my bad. I apologize.. 😉




An Honest Moment…



Who do you put yours in? Who do you have faith in? Who do you choose to trust? Who will come through, every time, without fail?

God will. He loves you. He loves us all. The kind of love that is unconditional and all forgiving. The kind of love that is even at times hard to comprehend. A love so great that I’d truly be lost without it.

I’ve spent a lot of time scared, confused, and broken. Something I discovered as a result… He is always there. He is always listening. He always cares, and He always loves. — He has listened to me yell, cry, curse, quit, and talk. He even listens when I’m not speaking.

Most importantly, He doesn’t give up on me. He doesn’t turn His back. When I break down He is always there to help fix me back up. — No matter how many times I stray or forget to make time for Him… He never forgets to make time for me.

I actually feel pretty bad right now. I haven’t made time for Him in way too long. Tonight I needed someone, I needed Him. — & He was there. He showed up. He listened. He cared. & He loved. — He didn’t think twice about it, despite the lack of time I’ve given to Him.

We can put all of our faith in people.. without a second thought given to God. But I am people in this scenario. I checked out & wasn’t around. He never did. He never even considered it. He just hung back because I forced Him too.  – Now I wish I hadn’t. Hindsight is 20/20 I guess.

I’m not trying to throw God in anyone’s face tonight. Or push Him on anyone. — All too often I don’t mention Him because I’m too concerned with people judging me. —  I just wanted to take a moment to let Him know that I love Him too & that I’m proud to know Him. I wanted to acknowledge His love… and even if it is in my own little way, share it, Lol… not shove it. 🙂


My Support.

Sometimes I sit around and wonder what road I’d be on in life right now if I hadn’t made certain decisions. We make choices in life that become our defining moments. The best decision I ever made was choosing Jesus Christ to be my Lord & Savior. The next best decision I made was marrying my husband, Jeremy. — Both of these decisions have played a crucial role in my writing. Or better yet, in my decision to write for a living. Of all the support I have, this is the support that gets me through the tough times. This is the support that cheers me on when I need it the most. This is the support that I cling to when I feel defeated. — The support from God & my husband; the support that means everything to me.

My husband has been my rock since the very beginning. I was terrified when I told him I wanted to write. I thought he’d look at me like I was being unrealistic.. but he didn’t, and to this day he hasn’t. He asks me everyday how the book is coming along. He asks me how he can help. He tells me he believes in me, and while I’m afraid to tell others that I’m writing, He tells everyone. He doesn’t just mention it in passing, he says it like he couldn’t be prouder. — That is what’s going to push me to the finish line.

If it weren’t for him and his unwavering support, I wouldn’t be sitting here typing this right now. He boosted my confidence when no one else did. — He pushed me to write. He told me to forget about what other people thought and to always remember that he has faith in me. — Thank God for that faith, because I’d be lost without it.

He’s not alone in supporting me. I have a few others that encourage me, and I’m as equally thankful for them as I am for him. Even Pepper(our giant black labrador, a.k.a. my sweet little baby.) supports me… at least, I’m pretty sure if she could talk she’d tell me so. 🙂

Part of the reason I started this blog was to find a community of people who enjoy & believe in writing as much as I do. There’s a peace of mind that goes with knowing you have support, or if nothing else, understanding. — Support is one of the greatest gifts that someone can give.. and it’s also one of the simplest. I am so very thankful for all of the encouragement I have, and will continue, to receive.

A little bit of support may not seem like a lot. However, it has left me with characters, a plot, a beginning, a middle, an end, a first chapter, a couple of plot twists, a lot of notes, back story, and future ideas. For something that takes very little to give, it sure has given me a lot. 🙂