The Lies I Told…

I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I don’t care if they think I’m not good enough. I don’t care if they think I’m stupid. I don’t care if they think I’m ugly. I don’t care if they think I’m pathetic or embarrassing myself every time I speak. I just plain don’t care what a single soul thinks of me.

& I just lied.

I care. I care very much & it’s one of my biggest problems.

I hear people say what I just said, how they don’t care what anyone thinks of them, and I wish I could say it with as much certainty as they do. I can’t though.

I care when someone thinks ill of me or little of me. I care if they think I’m unattractive or unintelligent. I care. It matters to me. It bothers me & that’s a problem. One that I need to solve.

Because while I care & while it bothers me… one thing remains the same…. it does not matter what anyone thinks of me… unless I allow it to matter.

I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt that said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” (It was, I looked it up! 😀 ) & she was entirely correct.

Lately I (& God) have been working on me. Losing weight, exercising regularly, building myself up, working on the negativity that tumbles around in my head & turning it into something better, something positive & honest. Something worthwhile. I’ve been battling out the negativity I feel towards myself at times. The low self-confidence & feelings of not being quite good enough. They’ve ruled the roost, so to speak, for a long time. & I’m a work in progress.

I still care what people think of me. Too much. & I have to find a way to, simply put, just not care.

If someone doesn’t like me… oh well. If they think I’m a big ol dummy.. Okay, good for them, moving along. If they think I’m not worthy of them… cool, whatever… you do you, Imma do me. — I have to find a way to make this my reality. — If someone just does not like me, I have to be okay with that. & not let it turn into something ugly that seeps into my soul & convinces me that I should feel bad about myself because so & so says so.

It doesn’t matter what so & so says or thinks or anything else. I have to hold on tight to what I know. It matters what God thinks & it matters what I think. I line up with what He thinks, we’re on the same page. Every one else can go on thinking or saying whatever they want. It’s irrelevant. I know this… but I have to believe it, even in those moments when I can feel that negativity trying to creep in. I have to stand with what I know matters. & the negative opinions of other people are not what matters.

So I’m going to keep inching forward, little by little, til I get there.

In fact, some lady gave me some ugly looks at the eye doctor’s office last month (my mom was with me & says she thinks the lady didn’t like my shorts. Which were appropriate mind you, I’m not about to wear booty shorts up in the eye doctor’s office. Especially not mine.. he has crosses & bible verses hanging on the walls. Jesus is all over that room! I mean, come on, that’d be awkward! Jesus, The eye doctor, me, & some booty shorts all in the same room? I don’t think so! 😀 ) Anyhow, that lady looked right at me all rude & such. & at first I looked away cause it made me uncomfortable… & then I was like, no. I didn’t do anything to her. — So instead I looked her straight in the eye, like I got your number lady & I don’t care, & then I proceeded to walk around with my head held high like I owned the place. 😀 — She only got to make me feel inferior if I let her. & I didn’t.

Now I just have to apply that to my entire life! All the time.

Work in progress. 😀

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Diving Back In… 

Okay! So for the first time in months… & I do mean months, many, many months.. 😉 … I have busted out the lap top & writing basket. (That’s what I call it, 😀.. the writing basket, lol holds all my notes and fun stuff like that.. 😉.) Anyhow… it’s hard, it’s a lot of work, & kinda scary… feels a little daunting.. ya know? Cause a book is so big… ya start thinking about all those little pieces.. how you build something so big.. one word at a time… & honestly I almost wanna run screaming in the other direction. 😀. — But there is only one way to get this creation written down… & that’s one word at a time. & there’s only one person who can tell this story… And then tell all the ones to follow it… & that’s me. Cause I’ve created it and I’m the only one who can know it like I do. — So God help me, (that was a legit plea to God btw.. 😂.) Cause I’m diving back in! ❤

Hey Y’all!

Hey y’all!

Couple Things. 1. It’s after 2 a.m. & I’m cleaning the bathroom. Cause, well,  I’m what one would call a procrastinator & it’s what we do. 😀

2. This is me procrastinating even further by taking what I like to call a “cleaning break.” Don’t wanna overdo it… that’d just be irresponsible.. 😉

3. Ya ever creep on people on social media? (& don’t pretend like you don’t, I know… I know you do… Lol, it is what’s done. 😉 — Anyhow, ever check people out on there & see what all they have going on & realize that they need your advice… But like, you can’t give it to em’ cause, well, then you’d have a lot of explaining to do! Lol!! — Yep. That’s actually kind of funny. 😀

4. I like to get a glass of wine, a good book, & a bubble bath throw it all together &… well, not like, actually throw any of it in the bath, but you see where I’m going here. It’s nice & relaxing. & well, that leaves books scattered all over our bathroom over time & my husband complains about it… lol. It’s kinda funny, I think. Anyhow, I just took em all out of here… 11! 11 Total. Tho I did leave one of those 11 cause I’m still reading it. Anyhow… that’s practically a little bookshelf. A teeny tiny one, but still. I could run a library out of here. Anybody wanna check out a book?! 😀

5. I’m going camping in October. I think I should mention that I hate camping, ya know, so that you get the full picture here. Lol. –So if I don’t get eaten by a bear, traumatized by the lack of personal shower/bathroom, or simply go insane… it could maybe be fun! 😀 — I went once & it was a disaster. The bright side here, is it will be much cooler than when I went last time. That was right smack dab in the middle of July & I bout died. I’m a heat hater, for real. — So, fingers crossed that the cooler weather makes it a more enjoyable experience! — I should mention, I’m doing this for my husband. It was technically my idea, buuutttttt, I could have simply rented a hotel room, instead, I knew how much he’d love a camping trip… so I made the sacrifice. — Look at me, I should get a little plaque that says, “Best Wife Ever” to hang on our wall. Ha! 😉 😉

6. My foot has fallen asleep, as it has apparently noticed it’s nearly 3 a.m, while the rest of me seems to have missed that memo. Ya know, the one about sleeping. 😉

Anyhow… talk to you all later! 😉
Heather. 😀

Procrastination & Things… :)

Supposed to be writing…..

Annndddddddd I just spent 30 minutes procrastinating by scrolling around on pinterest, changing the wax in my wax warmer, & eating 2 brownies. (The 2nd brownie was an accident, I didn’t even realize I was eating it until I was half way finished with it. 😀 ) — Not my fault. I cannot be blamed.

This is my life, Lol. 😉

Cheers! :)

Sam: “You’re my friend. I’m never going to take a woman away from you.”
Frasier: “What about Diane?”
Sam: “And didn’t God punish me with a vengeance?”
😀 😀 😀
Haha!

Having myself a little Cheers binge-a-thon on Netflix. — Cheers was before my time, well, technically it started airing before I was born & I was 2 when the series ended. So until recently I’ve never bothered to watch it. — I found Frasier earlier this year, and what a gem that is! 😀

In the last couple of years or so I have watched MacGyver, The A-Team, Magnum P.I, Murder She Wrote, Frasier, Green Acres, Hawaii five-0, and I’m sure a couple I’ve forgotten about, lol. — Something I’ve noticed tho is that every time I sit down to watch these shows, I find myself wishing today’s shows were like those of yesterday’s. — Cause I sure do love ’em… 😀

heather.