Stumbling Blocks..

I think one of the hardest things about writing is second guessing myself.

I sit down one day & write several pages… and I like it. The next day I go back to pick up where I left off, read through the pages from the day before, and spend the next several hours criticizing every word I wrote the day before and attempting to rewrite it all.

It’s like… I make progress… just to go two steps backwards when I pick it up again.

It’s a little frustrating. Okay, it’s a lot frustrating.

I read a few pages to my husband the other day… and he was like, that flows really well. I like that. —- and I was thinking, flows really well? Yeah, it did when I wrote it, but now that I’m reading it to you it sounds like the worst thing ever. Lol!

I know mostly it’s just me being my own worst critic. I just can’t get out of my head sometimes. I go round and round with myself. — It’s frustrating.

I won’t quit tho. I’m not quite close enough to see the finish line yet, but I know it’s there. Kinda like when you go hiking…. at some point you are smack dab in the middle of the trail, tired, your legs ache, your hot, trying to figure out why in the world you thought it’d be a good idea in the first place…. but you hold onto the fact that at some point, you will reach the end and it’ll be a beautiful sight when you do. — Haha, tho one time I was so tired and hungry that it was knowing I’d get Doritos & Gatorade once I reached my destination. Lol… I busted those bad boys out as soon as I hit the top of that mountain. All that work… and I was so tired… but it was so worth it. & I knew it the second I sat down and twisted the cap on the bottle…. cause that was one snack that came with a view. 😉

Anyhow, gotta get back to it. 🙂

Slightly Frustrated…

Grrrr!!

I hate when I can’t get a character down on paper like they are in my head.

It. Is. So. Frustrating.

I just wanna scream. Like, Ahhhhh!

Why can’t you just magically appear on this paper you magnificent character you! Instead I have pages upon pages of you as awesome as you are and then like 2 pages of you that seem like a completely different person and now even if I scrap them altogether I can’t seem to manage to write anything that even remotely resembles who you are. My brain is all messed up and you now have multiple personalities. You’re welcome. No need to thank me, really. Oh, and I quit. No need to fret, only long enough to rest my brain and find some milk & cookies. Chocolate chunk to be precise. 😀  — I shall not leave you in shambles.. permanently that is, temporarily is a whole different thing. You, my friend, are on your own at the moment.

P.S. — I sort of just ranted at an imaginary character and I may be losing my mind. Lol, but don’t give up on me just yet, cause this ain’t over. 😉

We’ve All Been There..

Somebody is doing something that is driving us absolutely insane. We just want to give them a great big piece of our mind. — Forget having respect for others & forget trying to be the bigger person, we just want to let it all out. — That little angel is hanging out on one shoulder & that little devil on the other… and if we are being completely honest, whatever that little devil is whispering is sounding pretty good.

The struggle is real and we have all been there. It’s a tough place to be. Anger & frustration mixed with knowing right from wrong can sometimes be a huge battle. There are days where I have wanted to just let it all go and be like, “Hey you, let me tell you what I think!” Lol, now I know that’s not the right thing to do. — Words spoken out of anger can be very damaging & can never be taken back. — That’s a big deal.

At 23, I know I don’t have the whole world figured out. I know I’m not the wisest of the wise. I also know that being the bigger person doesn’t always make you feel very good… even if it is the right thing to do.

I like to be honest with myself. So I can’t sit here & pretend like I’m not angry. I can’t sit here & pretend like I’m not irritated. I can’t say what I’m thinking because it wouldn’t be appropriate. However that doesn’t change the fact that I’m angry & irritated… and that my friends, just makes me more frustrated. Lol, isn’t that something? — So what to do?

I don’t have a clue. I’m here writing this because some part of me has to. — That’s why I love being a writer. Expressing myself, having this outlet… it’s probably my favorite thing about writing. — I can turn the anger & frustration into a passion that is useful. It’s a little piece of something beautiful in the midst of all the ugliness. — I like that. 🙂

So when you find yourself feeling this way again… I hope you’ll write about it. Take a pen & some paper, a computer & keyboard, or even a crayon & a napkin… whatever is nearby, and write about it. Put all those feelings and frustrations down on paper. No one ever has to see it if you don’t want them to. — If for nothing else, do it for yourself. If it helps, then great. If not, well you tried… and you get an A for effort in my book. — Also, tell somebody. Choose wisely & tell someone you trust, but tell somebody.

I don’t have all the answers. We’ve all been there & we’ll all be there again. My advice: Write it down & find a friend. & maybe say a prayer or two… for yourself & them. 🙂

A sincere.. but frustrated,
-hmthreatte!