Posted in Blog, Book Updates, Randomness

I Get A Little Honest Here…

So… here’s the thing.

I have been absent. I have not written a word in months. Not here, on my blog, or there, on my book. — I have been completely off the writing map. Not one written word… well, not one that wasn’t some Facebook or Instagram post, that is… πŸ˜‰ .

You see.. I have been intimidated. I have been scared. I have been insecure. I have been lost. I have been too afraid to write one single word anywhere about anything. Because… self-doubt. Because… insecurity. Because… intimidation. — Because if I’m being honest… on my best days.. I still struggle to believe in myself. I still struggle to believe that I have talent or that I am capable of stringing words together that make even a little bit of sense when I’m finished. — & that, my friends, is on my best days.

So on my worst days… it is far worse than that. On my worst days… I don’t just struggle to believe in myself… I just plain don’t believe in myself. I don’t even try on my worst days. I throw in the towel before the sun even rises. Like… not today guys, not today. Β I don’t have it in me to try. I don’t have it in me to pump myself up for this. I feel like a failure & I will just sit here and wallow in it & make no attempt to feel any better about any of it. ——- Β On my worst days… I give up. I am no longer in my own corner. I abandon post & take off. Because why? Because on my worst days… when I feel like the world’s biggest failure… I accept that. I say to myself, ya know what? It is what it is. I cannot do this, I cannot do anything, & so I just quit.

Intimidation. I am intimidated by my own self doubt, other people’s success, & the devil himself. Let me tell you something guys… I am being so incredibly honest with you right now. When someone else succeeds… and I mean just does something so incredibly amazing…. I can hear that little voice whisper.. “and what have you done, hmm? Look at them, taking the world by storm… and you… you haven’t even left the gate yet. What does that say about you, Heather? You’re a failure. A disappointment. Why do you even bother? You’re only making a fool of yourself.”

See… I know pride is like the downfall of man and all… but I still have some. & it grates & it drives me crazy to admit to that. To say that out loud, write it down, with every intention of sharing it with the world-wide web…. just what I think of myself on my worst days. — Because here’s the thing… It’s pretty bad to feel that way about yourself sometimes… but that other people, someone else, may be thinking or saying the same things of you… that hits that little bit of pride that I have right smack in the face. — & guys… I’ve heard it. Things very similar. I know there are people who have expressed doubt about me, my life, my future. — It hurts. It sucks. & it sticks with a person.

But here is the thing… because I’m going somewhere with this. I think.. πŸ˜‰ .

It can’t just be me. In a world filled with so many people… I can’t be the only one that feels this way on their worst days. I can’t be the only person that is intimidated by the world & struggles to believe in themselves. I can’t be the only person out there that feels like a disappointment or a failure. I can’t be by myself in this. Which also means… that whoever you are & wherever you are…. you and I, we are not alone. & I just want to say… I get it. I feel you. You have something in common with a complete stranger… but even so, this is one stranger that understands the struggle. — You are not alone. — & sometimes there is just something about knowing that someone else gets it. — & I get it!

So I’mma keep moving forward. I’m sure it will continue to be riddled with ups and downs, best days & worst days, Confidence & self-doubt… but I do not go it alone. I go it with Jesus & then however many people are right there in the same boat with me.

So here’s to pushing past those “worst” days & reveling in those “best” days. —

May the “best days” be with you.. ? Eh… well.. lol… little Star Wars thing I just did there… yeah, I won’t do that anymore. my bad. I apologize.. πŸ˜‰

πŸ˜€

 

 

Posted in Blog, Randomness

The Hotel Search…

Anybody else ever go to book a hotel room & you read the bad reviews first …. & so then you’re like, Nawp, No way Jose, I can’t live like this! — So you check out another one… & those bad reviews are worse than the first hotel. So you back out of that one as fast as your keyboard will allow & head over to hotel website #3.

Hotel 3 is just as bad as hotel #1 & on top of that is extremely outdated, so not nearly as clean. — So hotel 3 is out & you head over to website #4. This hotel looks a little more promising, still has bad reviews, but nothing so bad as hotel #2, maybe a little better than hotel’s 1 & 3. — So you think yeah, maybe this could work. — Only you take a look at the price & you’re like, nawp, sorry, no can do… not paying 400 bucks a night just to sleep!

So then you’re back at square one, or should I say, hotel #1. which is starting to look a little better…. until you check out those bad reviews again. Which you know you probably shouldn’t have done. — Because if you’d use some rational thinking you’d take into consideration that there are 300 five-star reviews, 200 four-star reviews & a total of 9 one-star and 16 two-star reviews. Β — So technically the odds are in your favor. — But what if, just what if, you’re one of the unlucky ones… & you get a dirty room & blood-stained sheets or you’re charged a huge fee for smoking marijuana in your room based solely on the the house keeper’s sense of smell after you’re gone & you aren’t even there to defend yourself & your drug-free lifestyle?!

So that’s when you throw that rational thinking out the window & start the hotel search all over again! — Only to cycle back through the same thing… again & again & again. Lol! Until you finally end up deciding on hotel #1, the same reliable hotel chain you stay at all the time, and pray you are one of the 4 or 5 star reviewers at the end of your stay!

Lol, I don’t know… maybe it’s just be me, but those 1 star reviews could terrify the good sense out of anyone I tell ya!

Posted in Blog, Personal Growth

Be Bold!

That title up there is a pep talk to myself, Lol.

I find that I have so many thoughts, opinions, & words to share… but that I’m always too darn afraid to share them.

I started this blog as a way to write, to help encourage myself, to help believe in myself, & to get comfortable with talking & sharing. — To be bold. To be outspoken. To find that girl inside of me that has so much to say & force her to get comfortable saying it all.

I started all this so that I could learn to be confident in what I want to say.

I’m tired of having a differing thought or opinion & being too afraid to speak up because someone might get mad or talk to me like I’m stupid.

It’s time for me to be bold. It’s time for me to stand up & speak up with confidence. — I’m tired of being disappointed in myself over all this. I’m tired of letting moments & opportunities pass because I’m afraid to be bold.

So, yep…

Be Bold!

I encourage you all to join me, lol! (Though most of you are probably leaps & bounds ahead of me, I shall catch up.) πŸ™‚

Posted in Blog, Personal Growth

My First Comment

Okay so this may sound really sad, but I am actually pretty proud of myself. I made my first comment on someone else’s post. Yay me! I know I’ve been blogging for several months now so it shouldn’t have taken this long. I’ve just been so worried about conflict or it going all wrong somehow. — Don’t get me wrong, I know there are super nice people out there on social sites and what not, I’ve just also seen my fair share of the hate.

I almost didn’t comment… out of habit. However I am trying to do better & though a simple little comment may not seem like much, for me, it was progress. — I didn’t comment on anything controversial or make any sort of off the wall comment. It was just simple and easy going. My kind of conversing if we’re being honest. — I’ve just seen where people have said the most innocent things & it turned into some sort of hate war or something. That definitely terrifies me.

I can’t let fear get in the way. I’ve spent my entire life doing just that and quite frankly, I don’t like it and I’m getting to a place in my life where I’m feeling more prepared to do something about that.

So I’ve made my first WordPress comment (made on someone else’s post, I have replied to a few on my own posts.) where I initiated contact. — I could definitely get used to this! Yay me! πŸ™‚

-hmthreatte!

Posted in Blog, Struggles

To Keep Going…

Sometimes things seem too big to be accomplished. However, usually the problem is the way we are looking at what’s in front of us.

If we look at the big picture it can seem so overwhelming. That’s when we have to take a step back and look at all the little pieces that come together to make the big picture.

So what do we do when even the little piece of the puzzle looks impossible? — Mark 10:27. — We remind ourselves that it’s not impossible.

I spend a lot of time reminding myself that anything is possible. That there’s nothing to be afraid of. Nothing and no one. — That being said, I’m still a big chicken. That’s why I have to spend so much time reminding myself not to be.

You have to understand that I’m afraid of everything to understand why it gets in the way so much. I’m afraid of people, criticism (Tho aren’t we all on that one), failure, (and that one) unfamiliar territory, and on my worst days, I’m afraid I’m simply not capable of very much of anything at all. — It stops me in my tracks. I freeze wherever I’m at and if I’m lucky, I don’t panic.. lol. — Though I’m getting better, it still catches up to me. —

So while even the smallest task may seem impossible… I have to remember that it’s not & then refuse to let anything stop me.

So while everything seems a little too big right now, I’m going work on my book anyway. Usually I would stop. If I’m being honest I’d wait weeks or months to even pick it back up again. — When I started this blog I said I wouldn’t do that anymore. That I wouldn’t let anything stop me. So I won’t. — I’m just going to keep telling myself that it’s not impossible and force myself to keep going.

So as I end this post, just know that I am going to be working as soon as I’m finished here. — It may seem to me like I can’t do this right now that it’s too overwhelming, but if I keep stopping because of that then I won’t ever accomplish what I’ve set out to do… and in the end, I find that far worse than just being afraid to keep going.

-hmthreatte!