The Little Things… 

Sorting through notes & ran across these. One I wrote to myself as encouragement a while back & the other my husband left for me to find some time ago. — I leave them in the stack of notes… Cause along & along I stumble across them & they remind me that sometimes one just needs a little extra encouragement. — I can do this. I got this. ❤❤❤

Be Bold!

That title up there is a pep talk to myself, Lol.

I find that I have so many thoughts, opinions, & words to share… but that I’m always too darn afraid to share them.

I started this blog as a way to write, to help encourage myself, to help believe in myself, & to get comfortable with talking & sharing. — To be bold. To be outspoken. To find that girl inside of me that has so much to say & force her to get comfortable saying it all.

I started all this so that I could learn to be confident in what I want to say.

I’m tired of having a differing thought or opinion & being too afraid to speak up because someone might get mad or talk to me like I’m stupid.

It’s time for me to be bold. It’s time for me to stand up & speak up with confidence. — I’m tired of being disappointed in myself over all this. I’m tired of letting moments & opportunities pass because I’m afraid to be bold.

So, yep…

Be Bold!

I encourage you all to join me, lol! (Though most of you are probably leaps & bounds ahead of me, I shall catch up.) 🙂

An Honest Moment…



Who do you put yours in? Who do you have faith in? Who do you choose to trust? Who will come through, every time, without fail?

God will. He loves you. He loves us all. The kind of love that is unconditional and all forgiving. The kind of love that is even at times hard to comprehend. A love so great that I’d truly be lost without it.

I’ve spent a lot of time scared, confused, and broken. Something I discovered as a result… He is always there. He is always listening. He always cares, and He always loves. — He has listened to me yell, cry, curse, quit, and talk. He even listens when I’m not speaking.

Most importantly, He doesn’t give up on me. He doesn’t turn His back. When I break down He is always there to help fix me back up. — No matter how many times I stray or forget to make time for Him… He never forgets to make time for me.

I actually feel pretty bad right now. I haven’t made time for Him in way too long. Tonight I needed someone, I needed Him. — & He was there. He showed up. He listened. He cared. & He loved. — He didn’t think twice about it, despite the lack of time I’ve given to Him.

We can put all of our faith in people.. without a second thought given to God. But I am people in this scenario. I checked out & wasn’t around. He never did. He never even considered it. He just hung back because I forced Him too.  – Now I wish I hadn’t. Hindsight is 20/20 I guess.

I’m not trying to throw God in anyone’s face tonight. Or push Him on anyone. — All too often I don’t mention Him because I’m too concerned with people judging me. —  I just wanted to take a moment to let Him know that I love Him too & that I’m proud to know Him. I wanted to acknowledge His love… and even if it is in my own little way, share it, Lol… not shove it. 🙂


An Ugly Truth…

Looking back I can honestly say that this has been the toughest year of my life.

In March I decided I would take writing my book seriously… and in March life started to fall apart. By May I had given up & forgotten about it. Life got better.  — In June I decided to start this blog to help me get more comfortable with interacting & to recommit myself to my book… and in July life started to fall apart, worse than before. It didn’t take long & I stopped working on my book & I stopped blogging for a while. Life got better. — By October/November or so I decided to get serious about my book & blogging again… and life started to fall apart… eventually I gave up again. Life got better.

This month I realized the blog is working. I am getting more comfortable with myself & better with people. That is huge. I love that I’m improving. I hate living in a box just because I’m so afraid of what the world thinks. So I decided to start blogging again, working on my book, & fighting my fear of interacting with people… & once again, life is starting to fall apart all around me. — The struggle is getting real.

I want to become who I know I can be if I’d just let myself live.

—I strongly believe, without a doubt, in Jesus Christ. With that belief comes Satan as well. He came to steal, kill, & destroy. & every time I start trying to get my life on track & stay in the will of God, everything starts to fall apart. I get attacked from every which way… and it doesn’t stop until I crumble. — I always crumble. Eventually I can’t take it anymore & I just stop where I’m at, throw up my hands, and quit. — I’m so tired of crumbling & I’m so tired of quitting even if does make life more comfortable. —

I sometimes wonder what’s out there for me that Satan is working so hard to keep me from? What is it that I am capable of that he never wants me to figure out? — Every time I try to move forward.. everything goes wrong. If I stay right where I am, just like I am… terrified of everything, then I have no problems. But as long as I stay frozen in this place & afraid… Life is okay. It’s not what I want, but it’s okay. I don’t feel attacked & I don’t feel helpless… I can breathe.

I have decided to blog, write my book, work on my anxiety, push myself, & break free from this miserably lonely prison I’m in. That was about two weeks ago… and I’m already feeling the heat. The walls are closing in & I am desperately trying to keep them back. — I haven’t quit yet. Not this time, not yet. I don’t want to. — This is such a tough war to fight & I really don’t want to lose again. — Heaven help me, I really don’t want to lose again. I see progress in myself. I see cracks in the shell I live in. I feel different. I feel change. I have real hope for the first time ever. — & I don’t want to lose that.

(I don’t know what the purpose of this post is… I just had to vent. I had to say that out loud, put it down on paper, or something. So I figure why not share? This blog is all about my journey from where I am to where I’m going. Thought I’d let you guys know why my book is taking foreverrrr to get written, lol)

As Always,
Heather! 🙂

The Party Experience..

Okay, I told you guys & gals I had a party to attend & that I’d update y’all & let you know how it went. — Well that party was tonight & I’m sticking to my word.. so here goes…

It was a formal work party(My husband’s job.) & my big thing was that I’m not good with socializing, especially with people I don’t know. — So I was a little scared, I won’t lie. — The thing is, usually my (sometimes irrational) fears of something are way worse than the actual something. — and as usual, that was the case tonight. — Thank God! 🙂

It actually went really well! I was only nervous for the first 15 minutes or so & then I was just fine. — Granted this shy girl isn’t going to turn into a social butterfly overnight or anything like that… but I was not tucked quite so tightly in to my little shell tonight.

The one thing I did notice is that I have this bad habit of looking away when I meet people. It’s pretty uncomfortable sometimes & it’s a habit to shift my gaze away. — Once I noticed I was doing it, I forced myself to do better. — That’s the only way it will get better… is if I make myself get used to it. — It’s always easier to stay in my comfort zone, but I know that won’t get me very far. So I’m slowly working on pushing myself out of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure people noticed I’m shy & not as talkative as others, but for me and what I’m usually feeling during events like this, I made some progress. 🙂

So I had a pretty good night!

One step at a time..I know I will get where I want to be, even if it’s just one small step at a time. — I have to start somewhere. 🙂

As Always,
Heather! (:

A Moment Of Truth…

In 3 days I have to attend a holiday party… a company holiday party… a (formal)company holiday party… where my husband works… not me, not my job… so basically a party full of people that are strangers to me. — I have to socialize with a lot of people I don’t know. — Dear God, somebody help me! LoL! 🙂

I guess the time has come to see what I’m made of! … Yay!(Insert sarcasm here, lol)
I feel like I am way too shy & self-conscious for this. (Granted I don’t always feel this way… it’s just sometimes when I have to interact with others I get all tongue tied & nothing seems to come out right.)

Lately I’ve been a little better about it. I find that I’m not nearly as self-conscious as often as I’d normally be. I have noticed some improvements while interacting with others. I know that when I’m blogging here I am pretty comfortable conversing with my fellow bloggers these days. — But out there in the big bad world, that’s a different story. It’s still pretty hard.

Some people are so quick to judge others & so many look down on the people around them that I just freeze up around some people. — It makes me nervous & I retreat back into my shell. — I don’t really feel like I fit in anywhere. I feel out of place sometimes and so I end up being too hard on myself. — I just wish the world was full of nothing but kindness & then half of my problems would disappear, lol. I admit, most of it is that I’m afraid of mean people. I am sensitive. My feelings are easily hurt and so many people lack compassion that I go from shy to painfully shy.

One positive here is that I’m not really dreading the party… which is something I would normally do. — See, I’ve improved some! 🙂 — I will admit though, that sometimes when I think about it, I get a little uneasy & nervous, but not too bad.

I have high hopes for myself. I know I can do this & do it well. I just have to push through it & remind myself that what matters isn’t what anyone else sees in me… it’s what God sees in me. — That’s tough sometimes, but I’m going to keep at it! — It’s time to start proving to myself that I am bigger than this and even when I don’t feel that way, that I have a God much bigger than all of it! 🙂

I will most definitely let you all know how the party goes afterwards! So fingers crossed! 🙂