From Laundry To Walker Texas Ranger…

Aye Y’all.

I don’t really have anything to say. I thought I’d pop in because it’s been a minute… Like a week or so… & I wanted to say Hey.

My  husband & I went camping for a few days earlier this week & although I took my laptop.. I never even opened it. But alas, I’m opening now!

So I’mma tell y’all some random nonsense from my day. — You’re welcome. 😀

I couldn’t find my pencil bag earlier. Y’all know the ones you used to get in school to hold all your pens, pencils, markers & such? They have the holes and you can snap it into a binder and you’re all good? — I have one of those. I keep my pens, sticky note pads, small notebooks, and things like that in there. I also keep my little thumb drive in it. So it’s vital to my success. — Anyhow, I found it……. under a pile of clean laundry I dumped into the recliner earlier. Yes, I took it out of the dryer & dropped it into the chair like a good little procrastinater. & we’re not going to talk about that other load of laundry that’s still hanging out in the dryer either. Nope… it is of no importance. Y’all go on ahead and put it out of your mind… I already have. — Laundry? What Laundry? 😀

I watched an episode of Bonanza tonight at Mombie & Papa’s. Then an episode of Walker Texas Ranger immediately following that. It made me smile. I remember watching those shows as a kid because my mom watched them. & not as a kid because I was a kid when they came out… I’m one of those dreadful millennials the world warns you all of…. No, they were definitely re-runs from when I was either not born yet or… aged 2 til 10. (Yes, I just googled Walker Texas Ranger’s run time. Don’t judge me. 😀 ) — Anyhow… it was nostalgic & makes me wanna binge some Walker. — The heart wants what the heart wants…. & it wants the eyes of a ranger upon me. — Except not in a creepy way…. that definitely sounds sorta creepy and stalker-like. — No, I mean in a walker texas ranger way. He’s no creepy stalker. He’s the one that will take out your creepy stalkers. — Ya know what? I’m just gonna stop now. This is getting away from me. I have no idea what I’m saying right now.

Also, I cleaned my shower today. Tho I’m sure none of you care… I did indeed do so. — Does that now give me a free pass for failing to fold and put away laundry? I feel like it does. I’m going with yes.

Anyhow. I’m gonna skip out of here & do a little writing. (Not this writing, work writing.) & then go climb in bed & crash with my favorite husband & my favorite pup. I only have one of each of those, just to clarify. In case any of you thought I was collecting husbands and puppies. Tho collecting puppies does have its merits. 😀

See y’all soon!

 

With Love,
Heather!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Point A Was Incredibly Far Away From Point B…

My Friday Night….. The last 5 or 6 hours….

 

I rented X-men. (The one from 2000)

I wrote things.

I chit chatted with my mom.

I ate chips & salsa.

I wasted time on Twitter.

I took the dog out to do her doggy business.

I put on a load of laundry.

I played a mobile farm game.

I wrote some more things.

I forgot about load of laundry.

I remembered load of laundry.

I proceeded to toss forgotten load of laundry into the dryer.

I am currently writing more things. (That you are now reading.)

I am finished doing all of these things, save one.

I am about to FINALLY, JUST NOW, watch X-MEN.

……… It only took about 5 or 6 hours to get here……..

 

G’Night All! I gotz a movie to watch! 😉

With Love,
Heather. 😀

 

 

 

 

 

procee

A Purpose Lies Ahead…

I wanna say a little something real quick.

While working out earlier it hit me that some times in life we get in places where we can’t see past where we are currently at. Especially when those places are painful. When we don’t know which way is up or down & we can’t seem to claw our way out of the darkness we find ourselves in. It can get hard & tunnel vision becomes a real thing.

I’ve been there. As I’m sure most people have been. — Once upon a time I couldn’t see how or why in the world I was ever going to make it. It’s now years later… & I can see it.

I used to think there was no hope. I used to think that I was so incredibly broken that I would forever be in pieces. I couldn’t understand why in the world God would have me here, on this Earth, so shredded & torn apart. & I used to ask Him, why? Not why am I in pain or why is this misery in my life… but why am I here at all when this place is breaking me & I could be with You instead? Because I knew back then.. Ya know, this is a fallen world & full of sin & it’s bound to be a hard place to be sometimes. So that’s not the question I had for Him when asking why… it was why am I here, rather than why does it hurt so much.

In those moments, when I was lost in my own misery, He would always show up. Never giving up, never quitting on me. He would show up with an I love you, it’s going to be alright, I’m with you, you’re not alone. But I would still struggle with the why.

Because I could never see past the pain. I couldn’t see down the road, to the future. I couldn’t see what was on the other side. Or even a light at the end of the tunnel. It appeared to be darkness ahead.

All I saw was my shattered soul & broken spirit. A girl getting swallowed up by the world.

All those years ago I asked why. I begged & I pleaded. Why? But there was so much pain & turmoil I couldn’t see through it.

God has a plan for my life. It made zero since to me back then. I couldn’t fathom how that girl, who she was all those years ago… how she would possibly fit into any plans He had. So it didn’t make sense & I couldn’t see it.

But I can see it now. Because that girl… she fought, clawed, & climbed her way out of the darkness. (Slowly & not of her own strength, mind you.) — & when she came out on the other side… she was no longer the same person. She could see.

Every day I still fight the good fight, trying to keep my head up above the water. I keep moving forward, little by little. Good days & bad days, doesn’t matter, I keep fighting. Because I know why now. & because I know why… the will to fight doesn’t come from just trying to survive anymore… it comes from knowing that God has a plan & a purpose for me & my life & I have to keep moving forward to execute it.

So to anyone out there who reads this… God has a purpose for you. Whether you can see it or not… it’s true. So if you ever find yourself where I once was, feeling like you’re lost & you can’t figure out why in the world you’re here. That’s why. — & it’s a beautiful reason to be here. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lies I Told…

I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I don’t care if they think I’m not good enough. I don’t care if they think I’m stupid. I don’t care if they think I’m ugly. I don’t care if they think I’m pathetic or embarrassing myself every time I speak. I just plain don’t care what a single soul thinks of me.

& I just lied.

I care. I care very much & it’s one of my biggest problems.

I hear people say what I just said, how they don’t care what anyone thinks of them, and I wish I could say it with as much certainty as they do. I can’t though.

I care when someone thinks ill of me or little of me. I care if they think I’m unattractive or unintelligent. I care. It matters to me. It bothers me & that’s a problem. One that I need to solve.

Because while I care & while it bothers me… one thing remains the same…. it does not matter what anyone thinks of me… unless I allow it to matter.

I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt that said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” (It was, I looked it up! 😀 ) & she was entirely correct.

Lately I (& God) have been working on me. Losing weight, exercising regularly, building myself up, working on the negativity that tumbles around in my head & turning it into something better, something positive & honest. Something worthwhile. I’ve been battling out the negativity I feel towards myself at times. The low self-confidence & feelings of not being quite good enough. They’ve ruled the roost, so to speak, for a long time. & I’m a work in progress.

I still care what people think of me. Too much. & I have to find a way to, simply put, just not care.

If someone doesn’t like me… oh well. If they think I’m a big ol dummy.. Okay, good for them, moving along. If they think I’m not worthy of them… cool, whatever… you do you, Imma do me. — I have to find a way to make this my reality. — If someone just does not like me, I have to be okay with that. & not let it turn into something ugly that seeps into my soul & convinces me that I should feel bad about myself because so & so says so.

It doesn’t matter what so & so says or thinks or anything else. I have to hold on tight to what I know. It matters what God thinks & it matters what I think. I line up with what He thinks, we’re on the same page. Every one else can go on thinking or saying whatever they want. It’s irrelevant. I know this… but I have to believe it, even in those moments when I can feel that negativity trying to creep in. I have to stand with what I know matters. & the negative opinions of other people are not what matters.

So I’m going to keep inching forward, little by little, til I get there.

In fact, some lady gave me some ugly looks at the eye doctor’s office last month (my mom was with me & says she thinks the lady didn’t like my shorts. Which were appropriate mind you, I’m not about to wear booty shorts up in the eye doctor’s office. Especially not mine.. he has crosses & bible verses hanging on the walls. Jesus is all over that room! I mean, come on, that’d be awkward! Jesus, The eye doctor, me, & some booty shorts all in the same room? I don’t think so! 😀 ) Anyhow, that lady looked right at me all rude & such. & at first I looked away cause it made me uncomfortable… & then I was like, no. I didn’t do anything to her. — So instead I looked her straight in the eye, like I got your number lady & I don’t care, & then I proceeded to walk around with my head held high like I owned the place. 😀 — She only got to make me feel inferior if I let her. & I didn’t.

Now I just have to apply that to my entire life! All the time.

Work in progress. 😀

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Devil’s Hair Dryer…

I’m sleepy & really need to go to bed… therefore my ability to write up something thoughtful & profound is a bit lacking at the moment. Sooooooo… I thought, how about some randoms & pointless chit-chat. — I like it. We’re gonna go with it. 😀

I am currently kicked back in the recliner, watching Living Single on Hulu, & sippin on a glass of water. (Gotta set the scene.. 🙂 )Clearly, I am living a wild life. Make no mistake… This is the way the adventurous live. 😀

Oh & speaking of adventures…

I bought a new hair dryer today. (Story time!) — My old, old one. Not the one I replaced today, but the one I replaced before it… quit on me like 2 months ago. I don’t live near a store with an appropriate variety of hair dryers for sale. There’s a grocery store & a dollar store, a furniture store, a thrift shop, hardware store, couple downtown boutiques, & a small local drug store. That’s it. Along with gas stations, some restaurants, & churches. So I’m limited in options when things like hair dryers quit on me & I need to run out & get one.

Anyhow… went up to dollar store couple months ago… bought a cheap hair dryer to get the job done. Weeeellllllllll…. lemme just tell you… you get what you get for $10.

So I’ve been using this hair dryer. First off… it worked pretty good for a bit. Until it didn’t. Which didn’t take long, mind you. (& I always kept forgetting to pick up a better one every time I was in a bigger town.)

Anyhow, It didn’t have one of those protective backs on it, the kind to keep your hair from getting pulled out of your head & into the back of the hair dryer. Y’all… I have long hair. This was a disaster even before it was a literal disaster. — So to get to the literal disaster… it started sparking!

Like lightning! On the inside! (This was not some sort of fancy lighting function, I’ve seen that advertised on hair dryers, fancy lights on it & such…Nope… this was straight up electricity misbehaving!)

This thing would cool down… spark… then heat back up. Repeatedly. — I’m like oh this can’t be safe. (It’s wasn’t.)

That thing sparked, smelled funny, & was most definitely a fire hazard. So long story short…. (even tho I just told a long story… that may feel rather anti-climatic by this point 😀 ) I had to replace that hair dryer today. Seemed like a much better idea than catching my hair on fire or burning our house down. Or me… I’m irreplaceable… (This I know for the Bible tells me so! :D) Just sayin…

Ohhhh & to add to that! I dried my hair a couple of hours ago with the new one. It’s all silky smooth. Feels good & stuff. & that’s when I realized that cheap hair dryer was the reason my hair was all fried & frayed no matter what I did lately.

So that thing was frying my hair, trying to fry me, & attempting to spark some legit flames. That hair dryer was of the devil I say!

Moral of the story: When you need a new hair dryer…. & you live in a teeny tiny town… go on ahead & drive the 30 minutes into the bigger town.. buy yourself a good & decent hair dryer.. & avoid the cheap $10 hair dryers at the local dollar stores… cause they are not good for you or your health or the structure of your homes.

So now that I’ve shared that little tidbit with you…. my job is done here. I’m off to bed! 😀

 

 

 

 

 

I Went Somewhere With This…

Ya wanna know the one thing I dislike more than most things? & before I get to that… just let me say that I dislike a lot of things. Hot weather, bacon, (which some would say makes me un-american.. 🙂 ) scary movies, animal abusers, heavy metal music, going to the dentist, terrorists… I mean… the list could go on & on. — But at the very top of it, there is one thing I dislike more than most things…. & that is a hateful christian that uses the name of Jesus to justify their hatred.

See I bet you didn’t think I was gonna say that. Not after I put terrorist on the list. But see that’s the thing… A terrorist needs Jesus… & I know that. They may not know that… but I know it. So when I’m looking at it from that perspective, while I may be absolutely appalled by whatever they’ve done… I am aware that they need a revelation from a life changing God. — Which brings me back to those hateful Christians.

I can be a hateful person. I can be mean. I can be petty.. I can be judgmental. I can decide that someone is sinning far worse than I am. I can put the spite in spiteful when I so choose. I can take “I am right & you are wrong” to a ridiculously condescending level. I can show people unkindness when I’m angry or disagree with them. I can do all these awful things. & I am guilty of doing so on many occasions. I am not perfect & I am well aware of it every single day. But here’s the thing….

I own that… I own up that I am a flawed human being because I am not perfect. I own my weaknesses & am aware that hate can pour out of me sometimes. But here’s the thing… I am never going to give God the credit for those things. If I show hate to another human being in any form… I am not about to put that on God. It’s not from Him & He doesn’t deserve to be cast in such a light as that. I don’t expect people to be perfect, but when someone fails to walk in love, and we all will time and time again, I also don’t expect them to give God the glory and credit for actions rooted in hatred. It’s not from Him.

It grinds my gears that there are christians that quote their bibles word for word, but look down on someone who lands in prison…. because God says so. That there are christians that spout about their christianity all the time, but shun their families should they sin differently from them… because their bible says they must. That there are christians that sit in church & preach compassion, but then lack that very same compassion for people on the outside of their little circles… because God says their way or no way. That there are christians that speak of God’s love, but show people the very opposite by what they say & what they do… because God backs their words & actions with His word.

It makes me angry. But it makes me angry because people are watching. People that don’t know God are watching & they are forming opinions & making decisions about Him based off the actions of these people. They are doing God a disservice & an injustice & they are using Him to justify ugliness. They are telling a world full of unsaved people that God is not love. They are saying to the world, He loves you if… He loves you when… He loves you… if you walk, and talk, and think like we do. As if His love, compassion, and kindness are conditional. When they are no such thing. He loves you… period.

It drives me insane. & while I can’t do anything about that… I did recently realize there is something I can do.

I can be louder than them. I can be kinder than them. I can choose love, where they have chosen hate, & God will use the platform that I am to show people who He is, through me. But He can’t do that if I’m so angry & wrapped up in hatred for these people. I have to let it go. — & I’m not good at letting things go.

But I am a work in progress. & for the first time, in a long time, rather than anger… some days what I feel in regards to them is pity. I feel sorry for them. That they have all this knowledge of Jesus… but they don’t know His heart. & I don’t want to lose myself & stray so far away that I become them. I’m not good at being the bigger person… but that’s what God calls me to be. & if I want others to see Him in me…. I don’t have a choice.

So while I still don’t like it. & they will always be at the top of my list. I can’t focus on that. I have to do every thing I can to counter it. So that people watching may come to know Jesus Christ & all that His grace & love have to offer. I have to be on His side, which means I have to set aside all the anger. I want to make sure that while the world is hearing them say, He loves you if…. & He loves you when…. that they’ll also be hearing someone else saying, No.. He loves you despite…. He loves you. Period.

That’s the only way..

So until next time… 🙂