I did a thing. No, I did two things. I wrote a book. And then I published it.
I came here to update my website, add purchase links, change information, those kinds of things. And something hit me…
I’m excited, but I’m not jumping for joy like I thought I’d be. Coming here, though, I figured out why that is.
When I started this blog 6 years ago now… wow, 6 years… holy cow… that was a while ago. Anyway, getting back on track, when I started this blog, I didn’t believe in myself. Not even a little. I had no confidence. Zero. I intended to use this blog as a way of breaking out of my comfort zone. (Which I did.) But if you want honesty? I never thought I’d make it. Not really. Not at the time. I hoped so, but I didn’t believe it.
Over the last six years, I’ve changed, my life has changed, in ways I can’t even comprehend most days, much less describe. Suffice it to say, I’m not who I was six years ago. I believe in myself now. And I have for the last couple of years. It’s the reason I wrote the book. It’s the reason I’ve written three more. It’s the reason I’m working on a fifth. It’s the reason I’m officially a published author. — I believe in me. And I have for some time now.
I’m not jumping for joy quite like I thought I would because I knew I’d get here. Before, it felt impossible. But now? Oh, no. It doesn’t feel impossible. It feels right. Like home. Like I have just stepped into who I’m meant to be, and I’m coming into my own. I see the long game, and I believe in it. And that’s where my mind is. It’s where my focus is. I haven’t stopped to really appreciate it because I’ve gone all in on pushing forward.
But ya know what? I should pause and celebrate hard for the person I was back then. I should jump for joy for her. Because she fought, and struggled, and clawed, and cried, and felt the overwhelming depressive weight of defeat over and over again… and even though she changed, and grew, and became bolder and braver… she deserves that celebration. The hard fought battle she never believed she’d win.
Because guess what? She won.
And she’s just getting started.