The big problem with Fifty Shades of Grey is actually a problem that occurs in a lot of romance novels. In fact, the very first bad review I ever left on a book was one where the main character was an obsessive, controlling, stalker-ish sort of fellow. It was very unsettling. Others thought he was sweet & romantic… I, however, thought he was a creep. — I feel the same way about Christian Grey.
As someone who has been on the receiving end of that sort of behavior I can tell you that it is not the least bit romantic. It’s very unsettling & it’s very unhealthy. There is nothing to envy about the romance between Christian Grey & Anastasia Steele because it’s not even a romance… & I’m not just talking about the sex.
I noticed that most people defending his character do so by talking about his unfortunate past & therefore making excuses for his behavior based upon it. — His bad experiences don’t give him a right to treat someone else badly. End. Of. Story. It’s not okay for him to emotionally scar someone else just because he’s been scarred.
Girls & women everywhere are madly in love with this character. They want their very own Christian Grey. — That is what scares me. — They want a man that would track their every move, buy the company they work at, tell them what to wear, buy them what he wants them to have, verbally abuses them, intimidates them, has complete control over them, and treats them like property. — That is not romantic. That is considered an abusive & unhealthy relationship. — & right now, girls all over the world are idolizing just such a relationship.
In these books she changes him. Which is an extremely romantic notion. Every girl wants to be the one that changes the bad boy. At some point, we’ve all wanted that. — The problem is that in most relationships like this one…. the only one that changes is her. (& not for the better.) A man like this will eventually turn a woman into just a fraction of what she once was. He will break her & make her exactly what he wants her to be. She’ll end up with no self confidence, no back bone, and she will lose herself completely. — It is an ugly thing. —
If you are reading this & you do think that Christian Grey is the perfect man to fall in love with… please take this advice. — He is not. He is a character out of a novel… it is not real. In real life, the ending would not be the same. — I have been there, I know. — I understand that it’s fiction & people think that it’s being taken too seriously. But ask anyone who has ever been in a relationship like this one… & they will tell you that it matters, fiction or not. — Please don’t base your dream man off of this character.
It took me years to forgive myself for putting myself in such position & staying in it. It took me years to forgive myself for all of the pain & misery I had to overcome. It took me years to learn how to stand up for myself again, and It took me years to finally let it go. — I don’t want anyone else to ever walk that path. — That’s why I wrote this.
You can’t change them… & on top of that you could lose yourself while trying. Please, just make sure you don’t start dreaming about this sort of man… there’s nothing romantic about it.